Katsura ja nai, Kanda da!
by Scarletfire.z
Summary: GintamaxDGM - 'It's not Katsura, it's KANDA'


Hey! So, here's the sequel of Kanda ja nai, Katsura da! If you haven't read that one yet, I suggest you go read that first. Because if you don't, you won't really get what's happening in this sequel. So, go read the first part first! Those of you who have, just continue on reading this. :)

Happy Birthday everyone! Because today is 人日节, literary meaning people's day. So, it is everyone's birthday on every seventh day of CNY. This story is dedicated to everyone! :) So, enjoy~

Disclaimer : I do not own Gintama. I do not own -Man. Sadly.

* * *

His head hurt like hell. He felt like something with really sharp teeth gnawing hard on his skull like his head was some chew toy or something.

He groaned, eyes still closed shut.

"Oi, Gin-chan! I think he's finally waking up." A girl's voice could be heard from maybe a metre away.

"Oh, just leave him there. Sadaharu is happy with his new chew toy. " Someone else replied the girl in the background.

The Samurai exorcist slowly cracked an eye open, only to see a gigantic-looking dog gnawing his head, nearing his brain.

"Fuck!" He shot up fast on his feet, so fast his head hurt even more than hell like someone continuously hitting his head with a hammer. There was blood streaming down his face as he wiped it with his sleeve. "What the hell is that _thing_?!"

"HEY! Sadaharu isn't a 'thing'! He's Sadaharu!" Kagura snapped angrily, insulted that he called her Sadaharu a 'thing'.

Kanda scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest, "Whatever. So, what the hell is... _Sadaharu_? A cat?"

"Well, actually he's a dog. A very big dog." Shinpachi sat up with Sadaharu gnawing on his head, blood was also streaming down his face. Apparently, Sadaharu got tired of Kanda's 'untasty' head and went chewing on Shinpachi's head instead. Sadaharu sat obediently when Kagura told him to.

"More like a mutant dog." Kanda muttered under his breath. "Shit, my head hurts like hell. Does your stupid dog gnaw on people's brain like that?"

Kagura kicked Kanda hard on his shin. "FUCK! You bitch, that hurt!" Kanda glared hard at the Chinese-looking girl while she returned the glare too. "Good. Call Sadaharu stupid again and you can say goodbye to your manhood."

"Che. So, how long have I been out?"

"Probably a year or two." Gintoki said while picking his ears with his pinky finger.

"WHAT?! Is that true??"

Kagura nodded her head. "Yup. Gin-chan speaks only the truth."

Kanda narrowed his eyes, "Wait a minute, there's no way in nine hells I've been out for that long."

"Fine. You were out cold for an hour." Gintoki clicked his tongue. "Darn, I thought he was gullible enough to think he's been out for a year just by knocking him unconscious with a shoe."

Kanda unsheathed his Mugen. "Who the hell did that to me again?"

Gintoki pointed his finger to Kagura.

Smirking, Kagura cracked her knuckles, "Ya got a problem with that, Zura?"

Kanda paused, looking at the unnatural evil look that Kagura was giving. To be frank, but he will never let anyone know because he was kind of afraid of her. Afraid of losing his manhood to this little girl, but hell, she hit like a strong, a very strong man, like... what's that Noah called again? Oh right, Skin Bolic. But he killed him anyway. Still, what the _hell_ is she? An alien or something. Little did Kanda know, she was an alien from the Yato clan, one of the most bloodthirsty of the Amantou races.

"...No, not at all. And I'm not Zura. I'm Kanda!"

He was ignored when Gintoki grabbed his Mugen from his hands. "Wow, nice katana, Zura. Where did you got it from?" Gintoki whistled at the _beauty_.

Kanda snatched it back from Gintoki and snarled, "If you value your life, don't _ever_ touch Mugen again." Kanda sheathed his precious katana, still glaring daggers at Gintoki.

Gintoki raised his hands up in defense. "Okay. Okay. You don't have to get all scary like that, Zura. And wow, you even named your katana."

"And didn't I just say that I'm not Zura??"

"Yeah, you did, but.." Gintoki began, rubbing his chin. "But we don't care. Because we know that you're facing some amnesia problems. Forgetting where you are right now, forgetting your name and even forgetting _us_. I thought we were friends!" Gintoki sniffed in offence.

Shinpachi walked to where Gintoki was sitting, whispering into his ear, "Gin-chan. I thought you don't like him."

"I _don't_. I just did it for the drama."

Shinpachi sweatdropped.

"The hell are you talking about? I am not this-this _Zura_ person. I'm Kanda, you retards!" Kanda growled in frustration.

"Now, now. Why don't you go take a rest to clear your mind. That would help you a lot." Gintoki tried calming Kanda down, then he turned face to face to Kagura, whispering fiercely, "Why the hell did throw your shoe _that_ hard at him? You could have thrown it a _lil_ softer, but noooo. I blame your Yato strength. And now see! Look at what you've done to him! He lost his mind and he's even cosplaying as one of the characters in a manga...What's it called again? DGr-"

"HEY! I can hear you from here!" He was cut off by Kanda, but Gintoki promptly ignored him.

"Umm, Gin-chan? Sorry to break it to you, but you read too much Jump and it literary rots your brain. Oh and Katsura-san was talking like this and dressed like this before Kagura threw her shoe at him... and myself."

"HA! So, don't go blaming on me, because I'm INNOCENT! HAHA!" Kagura placed her hands on her hips and did a victory pose.

Gintoki and Shinpachi, and even Kanda stared at her awkwardness.

"Right..." Gintoki and Shinpachi chimed in unison.

"So yeah. It's not my fault. Maybe he ran into a wall or something."

"Do I look stupid enough to run into a wall?" Kanda folded his arms and shifted his weight to his left leg.

Gintoki and Kagura gave him a look that simply said, 'Yes, you are stupid enough'.

A vein popped out from Kanda's forehead. "That's it. I've had it with you people. I'm out of here."

"Wait, Zura!" The Yato girl called out.

Before Kanda could retort, Kagura pulled his hair tie out from his ponytail, letting his long black hair cascade down his back.

"What's with this girly hair tie, Zura? You look way more girlier than before."

"Shut up you! And give that back to me!" Kanda yelled while chasing Kagura around the room just to get his hair tie back. He was so pissed that he even forgotten to add 'I'm not Zura, I'm Kanda!' in his sentence.

"You want it? Well, come and get it, girly man!" Kagura gave a loud laugh before scrambling out from the room and out to the town with an angry Kanda chasing after her.

Shinpachi sighed, "I guess, we have to get them back here before they do anything stupid huh?"

"Yeah. You go do that while I just take a nap here-Okay, okay! No pulling!"

- - -

When Kanda was out on the streets of Edo, he stopped on his tracks and glanced around the town with a puzzled look.

"Where am I? Where is this place?!"

"You're in _Edo_, you moron." Kagura rolled her eyes, his hair tie still in her hands.

"I'm in..Edo? How the hell did I get here?"

"You _lived_ here. God, you seriously have amnesia problems."

Kagura shifted her gaze from Kanda when she saw Gintoki and Shinpachi walking towards their directions.

Kanda quickly took this chance to snatch his hair tie away from Kagura when her attention was else where. Kagura pursed her lips in an almost pout manner when the hair tie got snatched away.

Before Kanda had the chance to re-tie his ponytail, someone bumped into him from behind, causing him to drop his hair tie.

"Hey, you! How dare you bump into the stupid prince?"

"I thought I told you not to call me that!" Prince Hata, the purple short alien who is prince of an alien kingdom scolded his advisor.

When Kanda saw the weird looking creature before him, he made a conclusion that the purple _thing_ was an-

"Akuma!" Kanda gasped, unsheathing his Mugen and ready to kill.

"What?! I'm no demon, I'm the prince of an alien-" Prince Hata let out a yelp as he just narrowly dodged Kanda's Mugen. To his horror and surprise, his antenna got sliced off, unfortunately again, not by his _loyal_ pets. But by a Samurai exorcist who thought he was an akuma. He started running in circles, clearly in a state of panic.

Kanda swung his katana at the purple _akuma's_ direction, but he managed to dodge it again. He darted pass Kanda and hid behind Gintoki, using him as a human protective shield.

"You're the Yorozuya right? I'll pay you, so please do something to make him stop!"

Kanda advanced slowly to the prince with Mugen held tightly in his hands. "Get out of my way or I'll slice you with him."

"Uhh, I don't think that's a good idea, Zura."

"My name is Kanda! And why the hell not? He's an akuma for bloody sake!"

Suddenly, he felt a presence behind him. Wait, not one, but _more_ than one. He turned on his heels and to his surprise, a group of men wearing the same uniform, all were pointing their swords at him, except for one man who was pointing a rather large gun at him.

"Katsura Kotaro of the Joui Faction, you are under arrest for the involvement of terrorist activities, harassing that stupid prince-"

A cry of protest was heard from the insulted prince, but no one cared anyway.

"-and for dressing like that. Like what the hell? I didn't know you're an otaku." Hijikata Toushirou took out his cigarette, his sword still being pointed at Kanda.

"Che. And who the hell are you people suppose to be? And all the information you had stated just now, I had nothing to do with them. And I'm Kanda, not Katsura or Zura!"

"Nice try, Katsura. Just take it to the court. Changing your name won't make you get away with any of these."

"And we're the Shinsengumi, obviously." Yamazaki added in, but shut up immediately when his vice-commander gave him _the look_.

"Shinsengumi, huh?" Kanda snorted. "I don't care if you're the Shinsengumi. If you don't let me go this instance, I'll have no choice but to use force."

"Go ahead and try, Katsura."

"I thought I told him I'm not Katsura. I'm Kanda!" Kanda gritted his teeth harshly. "I'm going to destroy that akuma and maybe you people next whether you like it or not!"

Kanda stood his fighting stance, his Mugen shone brightly in blue as he held it high. Everyone there were gaping at his unusual sword. One was even terrified and quickly took cover, namely that stupid prince.

"_Kaichu, Ichigen_! First Illusion, Hell's Insects!" Kanda yelled, waiting for his attacks, but slowly his sword was fading back to its normal state.

Kanda froze.

Everyone else stared.

A round ball of hay rolled past the scene, followed by a few more.

The corner of Kanda's mouth was twitching uncontrollably. _What the fuck?_

There was a moment of silence. For like, 10 seconds.

Then, everyone began laughing raucously, slapping their knees and choking on their spit as they lost their breath.

"Oh god. I can't breathe-HAHAHAA. Take him away, _please_." Hijikata managed to say it between his laughs, wiping some tears from his eye. "You put on a nice show. Who knew you were a cosplayer."

A few members of the Shinsengumi handcuffed Kanda and started dragging him away along with his Mugen to the Shinsengumi car.

"YOU FUCKING IMBECILES! LET ME GO!"

They tighten their grips and ignored his struggles and angry protests as they forced him into the car.

"Whoo boy. That was hilarious. I thought I was gonna die of laughing too much." Hijikata exhaled slowly.

"That would be pathetic if you die like that, Hijikata-san. But sadly, you didn't." Okita said, pointing his beloved bazooka at his _favorite_ vice-commander.

"Sougo. You can put that thing away now."

"Why? I like holding it like that."

"Really? Then could you please point that somewhere-"

**BOOM**.

Hijikata narrowly dodged that shot.

"The_ hell_? Were you trying to kill me??"

"Oh no. There was a fly on your face and I was just helping you to get rid of it."

"And get rid of _me_ as well?"

"Hmmm, _maybe_."

They continued with their little argument in the Shinsengumi car as they drove off along with Kanda in the back seat, cursing and swearing like a mad man.

Gintoki, Kagura and Shinpachi stared blankly as 'Zura' was being driven away to jail.

"Ne, Gin-chan. Are we going to bail him out from jail or something?" Kagura asked.

"Nah. He can do it by himself since he managed to escape every single time when they threw him in there.

Kagura shrugged and began walking back to the Yorozuya place, leaving Gintoki and Shinpachi.

"Gin-chan, I have a confession to make."

"Wait, let me guess. You lost your virginity?"

"_No_. I knew that he wasn't Katsura-san in the beginning. He swears too much and Elizabeth wasn't with him."

Gintoki mouthed an 'o'.

"Well, I think maybe, just maybe, he's from that manga-"

"No, Gin-chan. Just _no_."

"Fine. If that wasn't Zura, then where the hell is that idiot?"

- - -

Meanwhile in the Black Order,

"LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH! I'M NOT KANDA, I'M KATSURA!!" Katsura was banging on a door from the inside, demanding them to let him out. Allen, Lavi and Lenalee were standing outside his door which was labelled 'For mental patients only', talking about his current situation.

"Umm, Lavi? Don't you think you're being a little too mean to the poor fellow?" Lenalee asked while glancing worryingly at the door.

"I'm sorry, Lenalee. The head nurse said that he has to stay in there for a while. This is for Yuu's own good." Lavi sighed, shaking his head slowly.

"Lavi, I'm telling you that the guy in that room right this very moment is not Kanda!" Allen knew Kanda really well and he was 110 percent sure that this guy was not Kanda, but apparently, Lavi still had not figured that out yet.

"Allen, Allen, _Allen_. And I'm telling you that in my heart, this guy would be always the same old Yuu-chan."

"It's not Yuu-chan, it's KATSURA! DAMN YOU!" Katsura yelled from the inside.

Lavi sighed again. "And he still needs time to recover."

Allen gave a loud groan and held the urge to hit _his_ forehead and Lavi's. "You know what? I give up. Do whatever you want with this fake Kanda. I'm leaving!" And so, Allen left.

"Lenalee, you believe me...right?"

Lenalee gave Lavi a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry, Lavi. I'm with Allen. To me, this is not Kanda. It's just some poor guy who is locked up in that room."

As Lenalee walked away from there, Lavi folded his arms, frowning slightly "Geez, what kind of friends are they? They don't even know how to tell whether it's the real you and _even_ mistaken you as some other guy and not Yuu-chan."

"You idiot, why don't you just listen to them and let me out of here! I need to find Elizabeth!" More bangings could be heard.

"Well, I need to go now. Gramps gonna kill me if I'm not in the library. So, see ya, Yuu-chan." Lavi completely ignoring his cries, walked to the direction of the library while whistling a tune, leaving poor Katsura alone in his room.

"Don't leave me!" Katsura cried desperately and also adding, "And it's not Yuu-chan, it's KATSURA!"

Somewhere in the hallways of the Black Order, a giant penguin-like duck was standing in the middle of the hallways, looking hopelessly lost. Finders, scientists and even exorcists were giving weird stares at her. They knew that she's not an akuma, but no one even bothered to question or help her. So, poor Elizabeth stood in the middle of the hallways holding up a sign with kanji words written for people to see, saying-

_"Where the hell am I?"_

* * *

LOL. I pity Kanda and Katsura. Like seriously. But we all know that this would never ever happen, because this is just a fanfic. Yes, Lavi is being kind of stupidly OOC in here. Oh well. Heh. I hope you all enjoyed this sequel!

Reviews are loved. :)


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